Vacation Monologue, Holiday Dialogue

7 days to go:
0500 hrs: Hong Kong, Maldives, Sri Lanka, Bhutan, Thailand, Indonesia. There are too many to choose from.
0600 hrs: Hmm. No visa required for Hong Kong, Indonesia, Bhutan, Thailand, Sri Lanka. If I club Shanghai with HK? The Maglev is important. So is HK Disneyland.
0630 hrs: Why can’t they standardize visa photo requirements. Why should the requirement vary by country?

6 days to go:
0500 hrs: Oh man! These visa forms are never ending.
0700 hrs: Finally all done!
0930 hrs: Will you dispatch it to the Embassy today?

5 days to go:
1000 hrs: Hello! Did you courier my visa application to the Chinese embassy? You did! Thank you. May I have the tracking number? Thank you. Still in transit. “Damn! Tracking sites are very useful.

4 days to go:
1000 hrs:  Hello, I had sent you a document yesterday – it could not be delivered today as there was no one to receive it – are you closed today? Oh! Chinese New Year. Ok. Are you working tomorrow – oh great!

3 days to go:
1000 hrs: www.trackyourvisa.com   Still under processing. Oh god! Let it get processed today.
1400 hrs: www.trackyourvisa.com   What is this?  Under scrutiny?  No! What there to scrutinize? I am not a resident of J&K. Wish I were – they would have processed it faster.
1700 hrs: www.trackyourvisa.com   Under dispatch. Whoopee!

2 days to go:
0600 hrs: www.trackanything.com.  In transit. Good!
1000 hrs: www.trackanything.com  Still  in transit. How long does the flight from Mumbai to Bengaluru take?
1325 hrs: www.trackanything.com  Still  in transit. Damn!
1400 hrs: Hello! Dodart Express. My airway bill No. 987653321. What is the status?
1400 hrs: Oh no!
1400 hrs: Can I get it today?
1400 hrs: Can I collect it from your hub?
1400: Yes? There goes 3 hours.
1400 hrs: Thank you


1 day to go:
1000 hrs: Hello! Is it Get Forex?
1000 hrs: I need some of the USD that you gave me on Wednesday to be converted to Hong Kong Dollars and Chinese Yuan.
1000 hrs: Do I really need to come over? Can’t you send someone across? No? Oh, you have an airport counter. OK, I will get the currency converted at the airport.
1900 hrs: There is too much luggage to lug. Didn’t realize that lug was derived from luggage.
2100 hrs: Let me have dinner before completing this never ending packing.
2300 hrs: Almost done.
2345: The bags look neat and packed.


Day 0:
0600 hrs: Hello! Easy Cab. Need a cab for the airport at 1900 hrs. Have to report at 2000 hrs.  Is it confirmed. ?
1915 hrs: Hello! Easy cab. Where the cab which I had asked at 1900 hrs.
1915 hrs: Hello! How long will you take to reach my place? The pickup was at 7 – it’s 7.15 now.
1919 hrs: Please drive faster. Reporting at the airport is at 8pm. The departure is at 11. Can’t be late.
2115 hrs: What recession! This queue is never ending.
2200 hrs. Boarding pass. Finally!
2330 hrs: No. 7 in the take off sequence? There are too many people flying overseas. Can’t they space takeoffs better so that takeoffs are on time.
00.30 hrs: No thanks No meal. Please put a do not disturb on this seat.


Day 1
0555 hrs : Hmm… looks like we are landing. Heck – I wish the flight was longer – so sleepy.
0615 hrs: In a queue of 30 at 6.15 am. What a way to start a vacation!
0625 hrs: Thank goodness queues move faster here.
1200 hrs: Oh hell! Its noon! Oversleeping is such a waste of a vacation.
1300 hrs: I’ll die of hunger if I don’t find edible vegetarian food soon.
1335: Thank goodness for MacDonald’s! So what if it’s just the bun and lettuce sans the non-vegetarian Patti.
1340 : No point in going to Disney today! The day is more than half over.
1425 : Tsim Sha Tsui. Thank goodness for air-conditioned shopping.
2025 : Surprising that shops close so early in Hong Kong too.


Day 2 :
1000 hrs: Shouldn’t have walked all that much in the malls last evening.
1300 hrs: Disneyland is too much hype.
1600 hrs: You need the enthusiasm of a teenager to get around here. Not my cup of Chinese tea.
1730 hrs: This foot massage feels like heaven.
1900 hrs: What a pleasure to tuck in early – also what a waste of vacation time.

Day 3:
0400 hrs:  Why do international flights take off so early?
0500 hrs :  The good thing about early morning flights is reduced travel time to the airport. There are more planes in the air than cars on the road.
0600 hrs: The worst things about vacations are early morning queues. No sunrise-from the-air is worth these red eye flights.
0700 hrs: I feel safer with Air India. God, please make this plane shake less. Mummy!!
0730 hrs: Finally this contraption’s stopped shaking. What a relief.

0745 hrs: But, this is not in English. How do I fill in a form in Mandarin?

0820 hrs: What is this? A border skirmish with India?



0821 hrs: God, please let there be no war. At least not till I get back.
0842 hrs: What an airport. Thank god for the sign boards in English.
0950 hrs: Getting to the hotel was a breeze. Something’s telling me that getting around from here is going to be stormy.
1200 hrs:  Great wall of China. Need to put these pictures on my Facebook wall.
1222 hrs: O there’s Rahul Dravid. What luck. Hello Rahul! May I have a photo with you?
1330 hrs: Beef in a roti. What do I eat?

1340 hrs: Ray Croc, thank you for spreading MacDonald’s far and wide. The great wall is only 8,851.8 kilometers long.
1400 hrs: These cow hide shoes are no good for the calf muscle. Can’t walk any more.
1600 hrs: Beds at Westin are the best. But to travel half way across the world to plonk on bed?
1900 hrs: Where would I be without hot corn soup at, where else, Macdonald’s?

Day 4 :
0800 hrs: Whew! This Maglev is fantastic.

1030 hrs: Commercial Street is better than Nanjin Road. Thank god for small mercies.
1300 hrs: Thanks again Ray Croc.
1400 hrs: The weather here is better than in Banglaore. Only if hadn’t been for the continuous drizzle.
1700 hrs: Wonder how they make the beds at Westin.
1730 hrs: Good beds are bad when you have to rise early.
1900 hrs: Yes thanks. At 4 am please.

Day 5 :
0400 hrs : Thank you.
0500 hrs: I am now certain that no sunrise is any match for a glorious Westin bed.

0600 hrs: I look forward to a directionless world. They overdo directions and instructions here.
0700 hrs: No Clear Air Turbulence this time. The pilot must be cat’s whiskers.
0930 hrs: What do they mean that Chek Lap Kok is an announcement free airport? Do they expect everyone to be literate?

Day 6:
0140 hrs : Not bad. On time.
0220 hrs : Thank god for Meru. Else, at this hour…
0330 hrs: My bed is better than Westin.


Day 6 (continued)
1230 hrs: “How was your vacation? Am sure you had a fabulous time”.
1230 hrs: My head’s splitting. Legs aching. I am jet-lagged.
1230 hrs: Spiders accomplish a lot in 6 days. I am dreading the cleanup.
1230 hrs: I NEED A  HOLIDAY TO GET OVER MY VACATION.

Step on the gas?

The key to profitable, premium apparel, retailing

The key to apparel retail profitability, even for premium brands, are stores* like these.
200 square feet, 200 shirts on display.

In my view, the fallacies in premium apparel retailing are:

• the customer needs to see a display of 2,000 to select 2.
• if the merchandise is premium, the store needs to be large.
• premium merchandise needs premium interiors. Is the retailer seeking to influence the customer with the product offering or the store interiors?
• that stores needs to be located in premium retails areas where the store rent could be upto upto 25% of sales
• a small army of people is required to pander to the customers whims.

200 square feet stores, located in all key neighborhoods are the key. If a brand can retail from 200 square feet from an airport location, it can do the same from other locations too. Carefully selected merchandise, in 5 well selected  stores in the city, of 200 - 300 square feet each, will fetch more than one 2,000 square feet store. Hand-held barcode scanning and invoice printing devices can even dispense with the need for a cash wrap. For the consumer, it is easy access to the brand. For the brand, it getting closer to the customer without mounting a white elephant.

A combination of a large number of  very small stores and a small number of  very large stores, combined with the power of the internet, is the key to  profitable apparel retailing.

*Shamshabad

Sunday or Sinday

After creating  heavens and earth, god ordained Sunday as day of  rest,
The baron said: 'Rest!  'tis the day man must keep with realty abreast'.
So what if world isn't out of recession, Indians to be at their spending best,
Sunday must be spent scanning for loans and attending  realty fest.


'Tis difficult to be immune to marketing  assault on one's good sense,
If you are, you may be a genius or a dunce.
Am certainly not a genius and if called dunce will put up strong defence,
Anyway, will tell you the story thence.


The sales pitch, from every direction said,  realty is now good investment,
If you haven't, inflation ‘ll make your other investment useless parchment.
My attitude was, Sunday is for a nice cuppa tea meant,
Realty is nowhere on my firmament.


Said, as I earlier, marketing assault can good sense circumvent,
Succumbed did I to looking for realty and sought to make a pocket dent.
Was I going to squander every cent?
In search of realty small or even opulent.


The first advt said “only twenty minutes to the new international airport",
At 96.5 kmph  I made grade, at this speed the cops would get me to deport.
The other talked of the salubrious environs I could court,
On inspection did I realize that not long back did leopards here hold fort.


I did get tempted when the advertisement read Vaastu compliant,
When I did get a look see I found the bedroom small and the loo giant.
When I did find a place which was nice and  quaint,
The seller, I found, was not so clean and had a reputation taint.


The next advertisement said “ this is only for an expression of interest”,
Meant you paid an advance while he decided if you could be his guest.
The next one offered  the absolute max
Yet had to give him the axe - he kept covering his tracks


Investing in India realty is not like buying potato
You have to do lots of  legwork and step on many a toe.
The amount of work I did to got me nowhere, maybe I should post a photo,
Be grateful, those who enjoy their Sabbath and not to realty czars kowtow.

Helmet : Head protection with free built in SPF 100

                            Scarves, as head-gear, bannned in Pune

Queue Training

     

1411 – Do or Die : A Short Story

The cabinet was already in the War Room when the Prime Minster strode in. The War Room, in the PMO, was a room much like any other room except for a picture of the beast on the giant screen. The Prime Minister was preoccupied with thoughts on how to control this menace as he strode in. He had summoned this emergency meeting of the cabinet, the day before.

There were many matters which normally weighed his mind. This one, except for a few brief weeks in the past, was not one of them. However, regular news of wanton killings had disturbed him. Also, what bothered him was that statistics were hard to come by. He understood the difficulties in compiling data but wanted more frequent updates.

He was greeted warmly by his colleagues as the door shut behind him. His ministers knew that the Prime Minister was not his normal self. They knew this, as they had rarely seen him pouring over data of this nature with the same seriousness and application that he applied for statistical data on the economy.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sure that you are completely briefed of the situation. While I am aware that this matter does not directly concern many of you, I think this has to be treated as a matter of national importance. It is essential that ministries like Defence, Foreign, Home, Tourism, Surface Transport, Environment & Forests and others put their heads and resources together to come to a sustainable long term plan. “I need your thoughts. “We can begin with inputs from the Defence Minister”:

Defence Minister: “I have spoken to the three service chiefs. They have assured of me of their full co-operation. To start, the army is providing men for combing operations in the effected areas. They expect to bring down incidents of killings significantly with their mere presence. Given the nature of the issue, for the time being, no assistance has been sought from the Navy and the Air Force.

Foreign Minister: “I have asked our missions abroad to inform all foreign governments that this is an internal matter and we will brook no interference from any quarter on our policies on the subject.

Tourism Minister: We have taken up the matter strongly with the Foreign Office of key countries to remove travel advisories to India. More tourists will help our cause.

Minister for Science & Technology: I have spoken to the chief of Space Research. He has assured me that our satellites are capable of providing "locate and identify" services. This will be useful to the forces combing the area.

Surface Transport Minister: We have, for the time being, shelved our plan to build additional roads in the area. This will ensure that forces inimical to it find it difficult to traverse through the area, thus forming a natural protective barrier.

Environment & Forests Minister: We have tapped our contacts with tribes in the area. They will help the ground forces in combing the area as well as provide intelligence inputs when there are sightings.

Home Minister: All paramilitary forces have been instructed to tackle insurgency in the region very seriously so that the forces conducting combing operations are not hindered in their work.

“That is very good indeed. “Any more deaths will be bad for the reputation of our country.” It could affect foreign aid in the area”. “The next time we meet, I hope it is not in the Sit Room but in “Sarsika” celebrating the success of our initiative”

"The number of tigers in our country has dwindled to 1411. Let’s pledge, that, in the “Year of The Tiger” – we don’t let the dragon slay our tigers for its parts. Our national animal deserves our support in enabling it co-exist.Let's make no bones about this - their right to exist on this planet is as good as ours.We have to ensure its survival so that future generations may continue to enjoy its beauty, grace and majesty".